‘Tis the season to be Muslim

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Ever wondered how much muslims loathed our society and everything we stand for? Wonder no longer - the warriors from the ROP are quite exercised about Christmas over at the jihadi site called the islamic network. Notice how they compare the holidays to having sex with young boys...

http://www.islamicnetwork.com/index.php

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

A couple of statements that I read recently have somewhat irked me. We had a Muslim leader suggesting that those who say Muslims take exception to Christmas decorations in the workplace are wrong. Then a more extreme view was advocated by a Muslim columnist in a national newspaper; she explained how this Christmas she’d be buying a tree, giving presents and serving halāl turkey in her home. So amidst all these voices declaring how much they don’t mind Christmas can I just point out that - I do? In fact if there ever were a day of the year that was in dire need of sabotaging then it’d have to be Christmas in my book.

How many times in the latter part of December do we get wished “Merry Christmas”? Simply put, too many! And the really irritating bit about it all is that it’s often said as a matter of routine and with little sincerity. So when you make the effort to point out that you don’t celebrate Christmas because you’re Muslim it can be met with “Look mate, I said Happy Christmas but I don’t really mean it, it’s just a phrase. You don’t have to give me your life story.”

Those that actually hang around for the explanation normally ask in shock “You mean you don’t give children presents?” Which contains a subtext of “Woe to you, oh child-torturer!”

“It’s a family festival, why don’t you just do it for the children’s sake?” Listen, I am doing it for the children, I’m purposely not indoctrinating them with this nonsense for their sake. Just because I don’t allow it in my home, nor give my kids presents, it doesn’t mean that I sit there on Christmas day branding their arms with hot coals. Think of it this way: last Tuesday what did you do? “Well nothing went to work, came home, nothing special.” Well that’s exactly what Christmas is to me – nothing special. In fact it’s the most irritating day of the year because I can’t do anything because you lot have shut down for 24 hours so that you can don red and white hats, drink and vomit (not necessarily in that order).

Strangers are the most difficult to respond to as they often turn their backs before you draw breath to explain. So you need a really concise reply to give as they disappear. I’ve variously heard suggested, “lakum dīnukum wa liya dīn”, “A’ūdhu billāh”, a friend told me that he normally just smiles and says “Allāhu akbar”.

My step brother suggested a slightly different approach:

“Merry Christmas!”
“Belated Ramadhan Karīm and Eid Mubārak!”
“Huh… what?”
“You know, the Islamic month of fasting and the festival at the end?”
“Yeah but… I’m not Muslim?”
“Yeah, and I’m not Christian/Pagan/Atheist (delete as applicable), so kindly keep your festival to yourself and I’ll do likewise!”

I like the way that our brother Gary Miller summarised the history behind the day:

“What great religious figure was [allegedly] the son of God, born in a stable or a cave at the end of December, who grew up and worked miracles, then died for the sins of men but three days later he was raised up?

Well as a matter of fact it could be any one of several dozen individuals, Osiris of the Egyptians, Adonis and Bacchus of the Greeks, Baal of the Babylonians, Mithras of the Persians, they all fit that description.”

There is an “It’s Christmas” aura that many exude and that for some reason we’re just supposed to accept that different rules apply. I purposely go out of my way to hammer home how normal a period this is for me. I remember when I had one of the local drunk/ticket-tout/scumbags stopped and searched by the police (which can be a part of my duty at work) on Christmas Eve. I was given this “But it’s Christmas, how could you?” puppy-dog-look. Hehe, not in my world it isn’t!

The only good thing about Christmas to my mind is the abundance of nuts. By which I’m referring to cashews and pistachios in the shops; and not, as funny as they may be, people falling down stairs or struggling home with more shopping than a mule could carry.

One person that every year receives Christmas cards from me is the bin man. And pending work colleagues (I seem to have a different manager every year) finally getting the point, I’ll doubtless be giving him many more over the years to come. “Here’s wishing you a Merry Christmas” and here’s wishing you’d just stuck it in the trash yourself and saved me doing it.

But the problem of Christmas-enthusiasm doesn’t end with non-Muslims; it’s the Muslim participation that’s more worrying. Suddenly tinsel starts appearing in the local Muslim-owned newsagents or grocers; putting aside for the moment that many often sell cigarettes, pork and alcohol. Actually, that reminds me about a Shaikh who studied in London for some time before returning to the UAE. He went into a newsagent like this and approached the shopkeeper.

“Do you have any whisky?” The shopkeeper knew who he was and became nervous, “Pardon?”
“You know whisky … to drink?” *makes drinking motion with hand*
“Well, no.”
“Why not?”
“Err… because it’s harām.”
“And what do you call that then?” *points at the top shelf of the magazine section where all the no-hayā’ material is on sale*

Muslim Christmas-ers, until recently, could hide behind Ramadhān; as the two were relatively close. I remember asking a Muslim chemist, “These decorations you have up, are they for Christmas or Ramadhān?” * Shifty eye movement * “Err… for Ramadhān!” But now that there is some distance between the two it isn’t as easy to conceal openly “joining in the fun”.

You only have to look at the local halāl butcher that puts up the sign “We would like to wish our customers a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.” Have you ever asked one why they do this? The answer is normally along the lines of “Brother, what can I do? It’s good for business.” I reasoned with one, if the non-Muslims had an annual festival where they celebrated your Dad’s inappropriate relationship with young boys, would you join in the festivities? Obviously not, so what about a festival alleging an even greater lie (i.e. son ship) and against someone who should be even more beloved to us than our fathers (i.e. Allāh)?
Didn’t Allāh tell us:

And they say, “The Most Merciful has taken [for Himself] a son.”
You have done an atrocious thing. The heavens almost rupture therefrom and the earth splits open and the mountains collapse in devastation
That they attribute to the Most Merciful a son.” (Maryam 19:88-91)?

So I hope you’ll excuse me but I find Christmas offensive!