New world record!

Sunday, November 21, 2004

WEST BANK, Palestine A 19-year-old Palestinian college student beat the
current world record for most consecutive demands for Jihad, or holy war,
according to Guinness Book spokesman, Jerry Cox.

"It was an amazing sight to see. I didn't think anyone was going to beat the
old record."

The former record of 12,175 angry calls for Jihad was set in 1994 by Hamat
Azahlas, a 35-year-old refugee living in Lebanon.
According to the new record holder, Wallid El Sahami, it was no great feat.
"I was just hanging around with my friends urinating on the American flag
and doing what I normally do when I cut classes," El Sahami said. "I had no
idea I had beaten any kind of record."

When 12 hours had passed and El Sahami had uttered the inflammatory call for
Jihad 12,233 times, his friends called the Guinness Book Publishing office
and asked them to send a staffer over.

Skeptical at first, Cox, who happened to be vacationing in Islamabad, put
down his tennis racquet and came over to witness the feat in person. "He
just kept saying it over and over again. It was almost as if he only had
that one word in his vocabulary."

Modest as always, the newly crowned "King of Jihad," shrugged off his
newfound celebrity and explained it wasn't that hard to do. "I just
concentrated real hard on killing each and every one of the infidels and
then beating their children with a large claw hook hammer," El Sahami said.

"It was actually a lot of fun-especially when I began singing it to the tune
of old Woody Guthrie songs."

According to Cox, the prize will include a leatherbound Encyclopedia
Britannica, $500 in cash and a guest appearance on the special Terrorist
Edition of "The Weakest Link."